Competency in dealing with Change and Stress during times of change and dealing with stress can be trying during “normal” times. Throw in a bankruptcy or divorce and the stress levels rise add children, in-laws, who gets what? what will I do? how will I survive? what will my friends and parents think? Your internal dialogue can run rampant creating more stress.
What can you do to break this cycle? How do I become competent navigating through the maze of confusing dialogue and empower my life?
I will address competency with the analogy of learning to drive a car. When I first learned to drive my vision was focused on close proximity to the car, maybe 50 feet ahead. I was stressed out and making quick jerky course corrections. I was stuck in trying to do it right and not mess up. As I gained more competence and relaxed I looked farther down the road. My skills improved and driving was more pleasurable. After doing this for a period of time my driving become a subconscious activity where it was automatic. These tools can be applied to your life.
Just like learning to drive a car or when you do anything new, you move through phases of competency.
The phases may be worded in this manner.
Unconsciously incompetent: This is like when you are young and riding in the car, watching someone else drive and thinking it can’t be that hard. I can’t wait till I get my chance. This pertains to watching life occur as children. Maybe our parents were good at navigating life and emotions and maybe they weren’t. We were observing and learning from them. And we may have thought I can’t wait to grow up and do it better. In this phase you may be blaming other people for your misfortune and making the same life mistakes over and over again.
This is the wake up stage when you actually get behind the wheel of your car and find out there are things going on you had no idea of. In your life this is when things may get pretty bad and you realize for your life to really change you have to change. This is where you make your stand and say I am responsible for my life. This opens the door being okay with being a beginner to develop your own life skills in money and relationships that are yours.
This is when you are getting the hang of your life. You are looking further into the future of your life, you set goals and gain competency in attaining them. Life, finances and relationship are on the path to improvement and you notice your level of enthusiasm rising.
Unconsciously Competent: In driving this is the time where it gets easy. You don’t have to think about all the details as they become automatic. In life many of your course corrections are made automatically. You have your goals in sight and you are confidently moving towards them.
There are still upgrades from competent you can become an expert and even a master in your driving and also in your life. These upgrades are willed into existence by you. You can choose to drive your life in high performance mode (whatever that means for you). Each path you take in life becomes your learning experience and the more you take responsibility the easier your life becomes.
Visit me on the web at www.busby-lee.com
Michael Busby Jr. is a divorce and bankruptcy attorney who has practiced in Harris County, Texas Divorce and Bankruptcy Courts for the last 14 years.
2909 Hillcroft Suite 350
Houston, Texas 77057
Competency in dealing with Change & Stress is written by Tamber Zawaski