Emotional Intelligence/ Relationships/ Money, In studies done by Harvard business school it was revealed that emotional intelligence effected income more than intellect. Wow this raised questions for me! The two that first came to mind is what is emotional intelligence and how can it be raised?
Here is what I have discovered on my journey. First I looked it up and found the following.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups.
Okay sounds simple enough now what does this mean for me? I started by observing interactions in my life, watching other peoples reactions were the easiest place to start. I specifically noticed how often people react to what they hear said and not what was actually said. For instance I had a friend over at my home they went into my kitchen got a pot of stew out of fridge, made a plate and sat down to join me in my living room. When we were down eating I walked into the kitchen and find my cat up on the counter having a little feast of the open pot of stew still on my counter. I mentioned to them “hey you left the pot with the lid off on my counter and my cat is eating out of the pot.” No big deal right simple statement I was not angry when I said it just stating an occurrence. Their response was “nothing I ever do is good enough!” After that a several minute conversation to correct the situation.
What an example of emotional intelligence. EI effects your hearing it creates a filter or layer you hear through instead of hearing what is actually being said it goes through the filter of your own interior dialogue. Okay now I am understanding how this can really effect relationships and earnings. Here is an example; you are the owner of a company an employee comes in late you state they are 30 minutes late and that doesn’t work. The employee hears nothing I ever do is good enough and internalizes their frustration. Their performances slides even more, more late arrivals until they get fired.
Or what about the boss if they are hearing in their head no matter what I do I can’t find good help? How would that effect the companies earning potential. The same situation happens only this time they actually have a stellar star in the making employee. They show up late and the boss goes off on them. “What’s the matter with you?” “Can’t you get hear on time?” “We have work to do!” How long will someone put up with that type of treatment?
You may recognize yourself in either of these situations. Maybe this is occurring not only in your work it is also in your personal relationships? Maybe with your children, siblings, parents, partner or former partner?
Okay now that you can see the cost of emotional intelligence what effects it? I started to notice how alcohol was a contributing factor in my observance of others. I noticed when people drank the next day or two their emotions were more reactive. Even with as a glass or two of wine I noticed how they were effected. How interesting….. I thought wow I am glad wine doesn’t effect me that way. I am fine!
What I discovered was how emotional intelligence not only effects hearing it also effects our sight. Especially my own self vision. The things that were effecting the people I was watching were also effecting me and keeping me blind to the fact.
When I noticed that real progress began to occur. Toxins effect our emotional intelligence. Okay that makes sense now where are they coming from? Can I get rid of them? Why am I having resistance to committing to getting rid of them.
Toxins are prevalent in our world. They are found in the obvious places alcohol, cigarettes, recreational drugs. Also in places such as processed food, our water supply, etc. Our conventional foods are sprayed with a variety of chemical most pesticides are neuro toxins. They effect our brains even in low doses and accumulate over time. Reports are done by the companies who make the chemicals and say they are in acceptable levels. How do they know what is acceptable? How do they know how many sprayed fruits and veggies we eat in a day and how well they were washed? How much fluoridated water did we drink today or how many soft drinks this week? Answer is they don’t! Read the back of a box of processed food. Notice how many items on that are other than food. Why do they even call it food? Is it really food or a slow form of poison that is effecting your moods, relationships, money and your life.
The information I shared above I remember reading things like this years ago and I remember my thoughts when I read it. Oh I am tough. This won’t effect me. This is all BS. Eating is eating I love my food. During this time I had several failed relationships and noticed how I felt just okay. I noticed my self dialogue it was other than flattering. I thought I spoke to a friend the way I speak to me would I have that friend for long. No probably not I decided.
My change occurred when I took at a seminar at a location that served raw organic, fruit and vegetables. That was all they had at the location and the class was 20 days long. Okay the food looked a little weird and it tasted okay at first so why not. Amazing things started to happen for my during my class. I noticed I started to feel better, I had allergies that went away. My thoughts become clearer. I had more focus and energy. I had a back issue that appeared to be healing. Cool I completed my class and went back to my old life and eating some of the things I had done before. I tried sugar and immediately felt my thoughts become scattered. I had no idea sugar did that. I had a drink and felt irritable. My self dialogue changed and so did the way I felt. My back started to hurt again. That was it for me. I committed to my heath I studied and learned about nutrition. Not just in the books I also would go back and try things as I cleaned up to see what happened to me.
The above is my actual experience and has taken place over the last couple of years. To condense and recap what I have learned about EI is this. EI is directly related to my own self talk. If I am beating myself up and feeling guilt, shame or anger even and especially if I have not identified it, it is running in the background and waiting for a time to react. These negative emotions are greatly effected by what I put into my body and my own self talk as our body can and does make it own chemicals based on our feelings. In fact that what feelings are is a bio chemical reaction taking place in our system. Anger feels different and has a different makeup than joy or happiness. What I feel greatly effects my life, my relationships, my money and my own personal well being.
My comments for you challenge yourself try out raw organic produce, do a cleanse, say nice things to yourself and notice what happens. See if your relationships, money and health improve.
Michael Busby is a divorce and bankruptcy attorney in Houston, Texas who works with Mr. Scherer. Visit Mike at www.busby-lee.com
Mark Scherer Life/ Nutrition/ Corporate Coach, SBLT, Outcome Facilitator
Visit me on the web at www.newearthcenter.com